One Off

The Magnificent Seven Dwarves

Ages ago, the Feywild was scorched over by the explosion of a dying sun. All that raw arcane energy changed the world into a wasteland of untamed magic. It ain't easy to make a life there, but some folk don't have no other choice.

But wherever there are hardworking folks eking out a living, you'll find other, nastier folks looking to steal that living away for themselves. When push comes to shove, the little guy loses all he has, and the shifting sea of sands will swallow him up right quick, lest he can fight back.

That's where we come in. We're no heroes. Just wanderers trying to survive like everyone else. We ain't trying to win us no fortune or fame; we're just trying to do right by our fellow gnome.

It's a good thing we've got these here snake-guns. It seems like things are about to get rowdy...

Undead - Under Par

This week, in the first of our off-season episodes, Dan, David, and Alex undertake their greatest role-playing feat yet. They're playing themselves in the zombie apocalypse. It turns out Patrick has some sort of strange death-wish, which has compelled him to create a hellish world filled with undead boat captains, bloodsport enthusiasts, and worst of all... pirate-themed mini golf courses! DUN DUN DUNNNN!

Listen in as slightly exaggerated versions of the RPGentlemen tackle armageddon with only what they can scrounge from Patrick's real-life pontoon boat. It's RPG-Z-Day, so grab your gear! The Z stands for zombies. Because that's what's going on. It's zombies.

MouseGuard #3 - Snake Attack!

This week our revered rodents are joined by their previously purloined princess to finally face off against the brazen, vile, and hated Baron Von Hawk! With John Continent's death fresh on their minds, the dire nature of their situation finally sets in on the ragged remnants of the rodentia as they rendezvous at Brick and Border.

Can Cheddarina and Raul inspire their beleaguered brethren to victory? Can  CrabClaw come to terms with his crab claw? Can the party ever decide on one plan to put into action? No way! Listen in to even more ridiculous action in Episode 3 of The Mouse Guard Campaign!

MouseGuard #2 - Twice As Mice!

This week, the Prom Boyz have the flu. So instead we're bringing you the second episode of the MouseGuard campaign! Our furry fighters come to terms with the downfall of Mittens the mercenary kitten, when they learn of a secret platoon of the MouseGuard training in the Marsh Hollows.

All Raul, John, Zestariah, and Crabclaw need to do is navigate the maze of marshland, find a hidden sanctuary, and steer clear of the deadly, venomous, and quite frankly cranky spiders who rule those lands. They do two of those things... Add some spice to your life with the second episode of The MouseGuard Campaign!

RPGentlemen Presents: Of Mice & RPGentlemen

This week the Prom Boyz are on holiday, so Patrick found some forest rodents to fill in. David, Steven, Alex, and Clayton take up the mantle of the Mouse Guard to protect their underground sanctuary from falling into the terrible talons of the evil Baron VonHawkington! Can two grasshopper mice, a heavenly and heavy chef, and a closeted chipmunk with a crab claw rescue the Mouse Prince and save the day? Kind of! On this special episode: Of Mice & RPGentlemen!

Ballad of the Norc Orcs Ep.3 - Dam Vampire Ire!

Orok, yur wurryin’ fur no reason. Ya didn’t hear nuthin’! I’ve been guard on Wurmtvaal’s dam fur almost four springs now, and one night is the same as every othur night. We walk along the top of the dam, checking fur cracks in the skin uf the wurm, and then we walk back. It’s no glamorous life, but it keeps a tent over ma’ family’s heads. Ya think Uunda would ever forgive me if’n I gut fired fur raisin’ a false alarm just because ya thought ya hurd something climbing through the sludge ducts into the dam? She’d have ma wurm off, if ya catch ma meanin’. Now quit yur whinin’ and bend over…

To look fur cracks, ya gross idiot! What did ya think I meant?!

This week brings us to the end of the Norc Orc saga, and with it, we find our heroes at war amongst themselves. Bork finally gets a chance to live his dreams of vampirism, but when his idols ask him to commit some mid-to-heavy vandalism, will he follow in their high heeled bootsteps, or will he follow his siblings along the just path. Maybe a little of both? Find out in Episode 3 of the Ballad of the Norc Orcs!

Ballad of the Norc Orcs Ep.2 - Reader of the Pack

Dwarf Date: Gearvember the 33rd

Location: W̶a̶r̶ ̶B̶a̶l̶l̶o̶o̶n̶ ̶A̶b̶o̶v̶e̶ ̶B̶o̶a̶r̶s̶’̶ ̶H̶e̶a̶d̶ ̶M̶e̶s̶a̶ Classified

Commanding Officer: Thoradin Khazaduum

Notes: It’s been ‘bout three hours since we raided those blasted orc savages in their grass huts. Workin’ on s̶t̶o̶l̶e̶n̶ recovered intelligence, we had surmised that those brutes would be performin’ some sort o’ divination ritual. We weren’t certain, but I knew in my stout dwarven belly that it was meant to bring about the downfall o’ our beloved Boredig Empire.

Well ne’er to fear, my brave platoon o’ stalwart dwarven warriors -- or dwarriors, if’n ya will -- found those heathens in the middle o’ their ritual and scattered their sacred relic to the wind… aaaaand we may o’ burned their entire settlement to the ground along with many o̶’̶ ̶t̶h̶e̶i̶r̶ ̶w̶e̶e̶ ̶o̶n̶e̶s̶ civilians.

But overall it was a b̶l̶a̶z̶i̶n̶g̶ roaring success.  I have the utmost faith that there be no chance o’ retaliation whatsoever.

Oh, we also saw a pack o’ wolves in the desert below, and Gloina turned one o’ them into a human a̶s̶ ̶a̶ ̶j̶o̶k̶e̶ for scientific research purposes. Will report more on that later.

Ballad of the Norc Orcs Ep.1 - Sibling Rivalry

Now where in the plains of hell did I put that lizard?! I swear, I’d lose my own head if it wasn’t so ornately decorated with feathers and bones. The first destiny-foretelling ceremony in 26 years, and I have to go and misplace the holy relic three hours before the rains are supposed to begin… By the boar’s three tusks, I swear I’m not going to look like some sort of forgetful Flark in front of the whole village. Maybe I’ll just use one of these less ordained lizards. There, if I stick a few feathers and shiny rocks on it, it looks as holy as any other lizard. Perfect! Time to make a young orc’s dreams come true and crush the dreams of his/her two siblings!

This week, Laura, Sean, and Patrick pit wits against each other in a story taking place in parallel with The Kain Campaign. They assay the roles of triplets from the Norc orc clan on the eve of Spring Song: the ceremony that will determine which of them is the foretold chosen one. Will they be able to put aside their sibling quarrels for the good of the tribe? And will everything go as planned with a smooth resolution to this prickly familial situation? The short answer is no! Listen in to all the name calling and abandonment issues in Episode 1 of The Norc Orc Campaign!

Bad Jax: Interstellar Furiosa

Dear god-diary,

Sometimes it feels like an eternity that I’ve been cramped up in this pocket dimension I created for myself. I suppose it is technically an eternity, but I’ve never been one to get hung up on semantics, and that’s an argument for a different journal entry, so let’s get down to crass facts. Diary, I’ve come to you today (or whatever constitutes a day here in my timeless void) to confide a secret.

I’m hecka bored, diary!

There’s nothing to do in here. I thought this safe haven away from the destructive arcane forces that infected my siblings would be party central. You know, everybody just thankful to be safe, chilling out and downing a few ambrosias. But damned if I’m the only one in here! Apart from these husks of my former angels. But they were never much good company anyway. That’s why I betrayed so many of them… You know, I may be bored here, but at least in this bunker of solitude, I know I won’t ever have to showdown with one of my fallen angels hell-bent on revenge. Never.

This week Patrick’s high-octane thrill ride takes a turn for the celestial as The Cap’n and Rulcet the Dulcet find themselves visitors in the halls of the King of Death. Jax has some curious notions about how a guest should behave, though, as she leads our heroes on a quest to kill Death in order to find the god that betrayed her. Listen in for all the planes-hopping fun in Bad Jax: Interstellar Furiosa!

Bad Jax: Jury Road Episode 1

Welcome, sports lovers, to the 487th Annual Grease Bowl! The true test of a feetbowl player. Two teams facing off in the grease to prove who’s the ultimate athlete. After the disgrace last year of Krunk the Half-Giant’s corked-spear scandal during the third half, we’re all ready for a good, clean game this year. Granted, there’s only so clean that a feetbowl game can be kept considering all the blood… But that’s all part of the excitement of the game!

This week Dan and David find themselves in Patrick’s mad envisioning of the Dark Sun world. A world full of vehicular homicide and a poor understanding of sports. But that won’t stop sports star, The Cap’n, and his hype bard, Rulcet the Dulcet, from helping a mysterious stranger on her holy quest to kill the last god. All that and knife wielding octopi in Bad Jax: Jury Road!