Episode

Kain Campaign #8 - Infiltr-8-tion!

And what does Gary the Good Goblin always say? Wait… ummmm… I had it. I just was… I swear, it was on the tip of my tongue. Oh gods! We’ll never get into the hideout if we can’t remember the secret password. Gunk will have our hides for this. And our organs too, yes, thank you for reminding me, Giln.

You know you’re partially to blame for this too. If we hadn’t snuck away from the teambuilding retreat, we wouldn’t be in this situation. I hate trust falls as much as the next goblin, but at least there were snacks. This day long trek through the icy wilderness wasn’t exactly a walk in the park -- whatever a park is. But you know, it all would have been alright, if you would have remembered the blasted secret password to get into our blasted secret mountain lair!

Sorry I snapped, Giln… It’s not you. Grabnet and I have been on the rocks lately, and little Grinit didn’t make it past her first week in Gary’s Trap-Training Goblin School. But it’s unfair of me to take it out on you. Oh look, there’s someone coming over the horizon there. I bet it’s our goblin compatriots and not a band of adventurers bent on destroying everything that we goblins know and love. Ho, there, friend-ACK! My larynx!

This week, our adventurers infiltrate Gary the Good Goblin’s not-so-secret lair on their mission to rescue the remaining members of Maart's family and solve the mystery of the missing spark salmon. Join them for lots of spider-filled action and pants-soiling fun on Episode 8 of The Kain Campaign!

 

Numenera Campaign #1 - Hours of Future-Past!

One billion years in the future, the layered technology of a eight great civilizations, all having ascended, disappeared, or fallen to dust, coat the ancient stone of Earth. Now, in the dawn of the 9th Age, three adventurers make their weary way through a snowstorm of stolen memories. An adjunct professor on sabbatical, a young woman sealed inside a suit of steel, and a northerner with power over gravity itself, their goal is the GodsLight; a massive tower of unknown purpose and unnatural danger...

This week, RPGentlemen is dipping a toe (or massive furry boot) into the strange and exciting world of Numenera, an RPG of futuristic proportions created by Monte Cook Games. Mixing fantasy with sci-fi has allowed GM Patrick to create a mysterious world of adventure and most likely horrific, biologically engineered, robo-creatures. So listen in and find out what semi-pseudo-scientific surprises lay in store for our three brave adventurers in The Numenera Campaign! And if you like our biz, please do us the honor of checking us out on Facebook and Twitter! We just want friends...

Kain Campaign #7 - Taking Pun For The Team!

KainCrew

Welcome! Welcome, my new friends! You in the back, please remember to grab a name tag. Alright, let’s all settle in!

Many of you may be thinking, why am I here? Who are all these goblins? Why do I feel so depressed about my current lot in life? Well, these are all questions that I will help you to answer today!

I used to be just like you: nervous, lacking confidence, easily manipulated by others for their personal gain, stupid, dim-witted, not very bright, and above all dumb. But I’ve found a way to change all that! Through the power of self-esteem! With a few simple motivational techniques, I can teach you how to be the very best you that you can be! And the best part is, only about 25% of you will die in the process!

This week, our adventurers find themselves smack dab in the middle of a goblin team-building retreat in the hopes of infiltrating the goblin horde and rescuing Maart’s marketing-minded mother. Let’s hope that Dap doesn’t say or do anything stupid that might ruin the subtlety of the infiltration… Spoiler alert: he does! Listen in and find out what it’s like to be a goblin in Episode 7 of The Kain Campaign!

Super Heroes #3 - Out of the Frying Pan, Into the Portal

Rooftoppin

Fellow criminal organization members! For too long, our kind has been brushed aside by society. They’re hatred of our flamboyant costumery and overly-intricate plans has made us the laughing stock of Minneapolis! But not for long! Soon, the entire world will remember this as the day the Steam Punks turned the Mill City Museum from a blasted-out remnant of an industrial disaster into a blasted-out remnant of our molten-iron ritual! No group of superheroes, no matter how unlikely and unconventional, will be able to stop us from completing the ceremony and raining down searing hot destruction upon our enemies!

On a completely unrelated note, do you guys hear someone singing Phantom of the Opera? Possibly while rollerblading toward our hideout at high speed? It’s probably fine. Back to the ritual!

This week, in the thrilling finale to this installment of the Bad & Breakfast story, our heroes find themselves facing down mechanical monstrosities, irish ninjas, and personal growth aplenty! Listen in to all the action in Episode Three of Superheroes!

Kain Campaign #6 - Shrimp-ly Marvelous!

KainCrew

Well’m, my momma always did tell me that thur weren’t much in life more versa-tile than the unassumin’, ocean-dwellin’ shrimp. Ya see, momma knew more about shrimp than most people know about breathin’, and she’d always be eager to tell ya her favorite uses them lil’ pink fellas. She loved eatin’ shrimp, cookin’ shrimp, ridin’ on top of giant shrimp, usin’ shrimp in a comedic refer-ence to a classic film that many folks have strong feelins about one way er the uther... I tell ya whut, momma could go on fer days about them shrimp!

In case you couldn’t already tell, shrimp is on the menu in this week’s episode of The Kain Campaign. Amid their investigation into The Head & The Heart Marketing Firm, our gang of adventurers finds themselves sidetracked by a 12-fingered shrimp captain and his love of shellfish-related humor. I promise that some actual plot development happens once we’ve made sure that no more prawn-puns have eluded us. Dap even finds a reason to become enraged that is only slightly related to his daddy issues! Find out what’s getting his ire up on Episode 6 of The Kain Campaign!

Super Heroes #2 - The Punk Stops Here!

Citizens, beware! There is danger afoot! Once again, the criminal underbelly has spat out a grotesque gang of goons dressed to the nines. The nineteen hundreds, more specifically.

The Steam-Punks have taken it upon themselves to besiege Mama J’s B&B of Solitude in search of booty of both sorts, but what they find is a heaping helping of comeuppance!

Stay tuned for food puns and disgusting feats of what some might construe as heroism as our quartet of crime-fighters defend their hideout tooth, nail, and jolly rancher! But this quarrel is just the tip of the iceberg, and our heroes learn of a dastardly plot being hatched in the bowels of the Old Mill Museum. What is this terrifying scheme? Our gang of do-gooders has no idea, but they should probably stop it or whatever! Take in all the action in Episode 2 of Super Heroes!

Kain Campaign #5 - Five For Fighting!

KainCrew.png

Avast, Mateys!

Dun’t ferrget, yer aboard my ship, and on me ship, me word is law! So dun’t go gettin’ no ideas about stealin' away me captain-hood. Or me four-cornered hat neither! And dun’t ye dare comment on me somewhat sporadic use of sailor colloquialisms! If ye be implying that I’m simply an average chap attemptin’ te maintain a certain facade in the context of a humorous textual blog entry… Then… Walk the plank! and so forth!

And ye definitely dun’t want to think about challenging me to a duel fer control o’ me ship. If ye do, ye’ll be sorry! Because me ability scores are higher than a crow’s nest! See?! That was another fine example of sailor-esque jargon!

This week our adventurers find themselves arbitrarily pitted against the four-corned captain of… some ship that doesn't have a name. It’s almost as if fate had not intended for there to be a combat session aboard this ship. But when has fate ever been able to predict the behavior of blood-thirsty Arkmenos and his swashbuckling, flower-eating companions? Listen in for some action-packed adventuring and slightly-plot-furthering investigations in Episode 5 of the Kain Campaign!  

Kain Campaign #4 - Home Four Sale!

OPEN HOUSE:

Beautiful cabin compound nestled among magically-sustained forest!

Do you miss the mild woodlands of your elven home? Do you oversleep for lack of tittering birds outside your window? Is your garden a dreary shade of white and somewhat more frozen than you would prefer? Then this one-bedroom forest compound  is the place for you!

Plucked straight from the balmy forests of Fylara, this cozy gem of a home has all the amenities any wizard could want:

  • Alchemical lab complete with reagent storage facilities

  • Magical workshop with enchanted door-lock

  • Combination greenhouse and aviary

  • Natural stone fireplace fully furnished with eternal-flame charm

  • Bowling alley with built-in snack machine!

Looking for a place to settle down after years of adventuring? Look no further! After being cared for by a very capable wizard for many years, she is now looking to sell her forest home as well as the forest she created! The compound comes replete with the finest snowmen-home-security system magic can animate!

Schedule a tour today or stop by unannounced and rob/partially incinerate the place in your search for dragon-related information! For more details check out Episode 4 of The Kain Campaign!

Kain Campaign #3 - Writing Snowetry!

The melody in your head makes life a little brighter. The scars on your skin remind of graver times. All in all, you’re feeling pretty good. Life’s back to a bit more even keel in the Empire of Kain, and the snow is falling.

Then the snow is being piled into three balls to stand eye to assumed-eye with a similarly three-balled trash pile. Yes, Window and the gang reenact the deleted scenes from Frosty The Snowman in Episode 3 of the Kain Campaign!